Dear God

I would watch my daddy take another drink; listen to his voice change while at the same time watching my mommy’s face change. She would begin to gear up for battle as one more drink was consumed. The room filled with tension, the smell of beer and a dinner that was soon approaching being burned. My mind would rush to a previous memory of food flying across the room, the time my daddy, who is 6 feet 2 inches, shove my frail mommy, pushing her against a chair, table or wall. Quickly glancing around I noticed my sister’s face change too…she looked afraid…we were all afraid.

There is a feeling you get in your mind and body when you have no control to change a moment in time. It is as if you are falling and there is no bottom for your feet, but you can see the floor from far away. Your mind is struggling to formulate a simple sentence while your body reacts with a cold sweat anticipating the next moment, the one you can’t control. It is in this split second that you may decide to faint or do something, anything. Soon, survival kicks in and you grab your sister, run to the other room, close the door, hide behind the bed and sit ever so quiet, afraid for the next noise you will hear. Teeth clenched, arm in arm, eyes wide open and then quickly shut, you wish with all that is in you that you would disappear and return when all was calm again.

The noise escalated as did the fight between my mommy and daddy, and soon others would get involved, even the police. I began my prayer, “Dear God. Please help my mommy and my daddy to love each other again!” That was it. I repeated that several times. It seemed to me, the little girl in the survival situation, that what was lost was not the argument…but the love!

Today, I am grown and I like the calm, the quiet and the peaceful moments of life I am afforded. But then I listen as a practicing survivor and I hear the noise again. Today, I hear the conflict between a man who needs money and a quick way to secure it, a girl vulnerable, scared and not allowed to make any noise for fear of her life, and a man who needs to overpower a female of any age with sexual power while making all the noise he wants and with any action that his darkest desire demands!

Again, I begin to pray, “Dear God, please help this little sister to know how much you love them. May they find in themselves, deep within the violation and damage, the courage to escape, and reach once again for a hand that is pure and carries a heart of love on behalf of their future. In this first step, may they find the highest hope that they can be provided by your love and grace, a true peace and calm in their souls. Give them the daily strength to walk from the dark place toward the light of life, finding their most authentic self to be expressed in the most amazing ways.

Dear God. May I continue to be brave enough to hear the noise, react with care and concern, taking the hand of my female sister and finding a refuge for safety until a full rescue is provided!  May you find others like us who are willing to lend their ear, hear the noise, react in love and rescue those who are not able to free themselves! May I never forget that though our stories differ, we are sisters who, in the embrace, will find solidarity of soul.

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Collection of Thoughts

Almost Missed

Fascinated with those things in life that are almost missed, unless we pay close attention. Sometimes the most joy comes in the details. My granddaughter's eyelashes, my grandson's birthmark, my daughters sight, both my son's passion for the homeless...those things we are privileged to know when we take the time to look!

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